Why. Just. Why.

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Why. Just. Why.

Post by jandavey on 4/5/2014, 1:11 am

Important note: first staff to see this; can you lock it? I don't really need replies.

I don't want to be online. I know this is extremely sudden. But I just don't. I've become upset. Again. And this time, I don't trust anyone with information because I'm scared that. If I told any of you, you would tell someone else. I know none of you are cold-hearted enough to do that, but. My trust issues are getting extremely severe. But I will say this because I simply need to vent out some feelings...knowing that what I'm talking to isn't just blank space...

    What happened was, I haven't been able to get along with this Elizabeth friend of mine (from last post) she was my friend. Six years. Or so I thought she was. I discovered she lied to me. She had told me her father was cruel. That he was a bad person. And that was justification for emotionally hurting me in the past. Lies. Lies. I believed it for three years, and never found out. Why was I so stupid as to accept a bully as my friend? I found out people who can be your best friends...can be liars, decieving people...bad people.These people will bear false witness, talk behind your back, hurt you. I can't stand it. 

My friend I saw as one of my closest friends, Natalie, she hates me. She refuses to talk to me, when I go near she tells me to go away, she's blocked me on every social networking site/app. I knew it, all a fake so she could just steal secrets from me. I found out she told everyone everything I told her. At the start, she found out my crush, Kevin. She told him, and what I didn't know until recently, was that she teased him about it. She was one of the people teasing Kevin, like many others. She is a reason, Kevin wouldn't talk to me.

   Allow me to explain; I made an extremely secret promise back in February, I would never tell a single person this. I am lieing about not liking him. Around his friends, he would condone their teasing. Alone, he would talk casually. I can barely talk alone when I'm walking with friends...that tease him. I should've known all this. I tell myself I'm stupid for trusting such people with my secrets, which I wholeheartedly believe. Why, why did I trust people I viewed as 'friend' do this. Practically almost very friend I have did the same stupid potato. (Potato because censorship ._.) I have barely anyone to call friend. Even the people I call 'friend' I question their ability to be impartial, or their ability to keep a secret, or their ability to just, be there. Anyways, it's down to the point I'm not interested in speaking at all. I broke down and made a scene right in the library. 10+ people were looking at me, crying. I ran out of there, but I'm met with:

"Why is he crying?" -someone who actually cared
"I would feel bad for Jan, but I don't like him/her" -Someone I barely know! (still keeping gender troll status...) 
"Nobody likes Jan, so nobody should really care" -A stranger.

Can you believe this? How can. Just how can people be so cruel. I would try to talk to a friend, but all I get is,
"Would you like me to beat up whoever is doing this to you?"
"We should go jump this person!"

But I don't want violence. I don't believe in violence. It mediates nothing. And if I can't find a non-violent trustworthy person to talk to; where shall I turn? Bottom line is; I won't be online tomorrow, or Sunday, or depending on what happens Monday. I may or may not be online either. I just don't... I'm just, not interested in talk.

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Re: Why. Just. Why.

Post by OsgaTharp on 4/5/2014, 1:59 am


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