Random story via ExtraSauce & Kevo235

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Random story via ExtraSauce & Kevo235

Post by jackOPSftw on 8/7/2012, 2:12 am

Eggs and Bacon.


It all started when our hyphen-happy protagonist, ExtraSauce, woke up in a disease-infested jungle. It was the eighth time it had happened. Feeling ridiculously stunned, ExtraSauce stroked a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, he realized that his beloved Ipod was missing! Immediately he called his former lay, Kevo235. ExtraSauce had known Kevo235 for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were sassy ones. Kevo235 was unique. He was easygoing though sometimes a little... pestering. ExtraSauce called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Kevo235 picked up to a very ecstatic ExtraSauce. Kevo235 calmly assured him that most disease-carrying chipmunks yawn before mating, yet spotted wolf hamsters usually explosively turn red *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting ExtraSauce. Why was Kevo235 trying to distract ExtraSauce? Because he had snuck out from ExtraSauce's with the Ipod only eight days prior. It was a enticing little Ipod... how could he resist?

It didn't take long before ExtraSauce got back to the subject at hand: his Ipod. Kevo235 yawned. Relunctantly, Kevo235 invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Ipod. ExtraSauce grabbed his time machine and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Kevo235 realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Ipod and he had to do it carefully. He figured that if ExtraSauce took the time machine, he had take at least ten minutes before ExtraSauce would get there. But if he took the Farrari? Then Kevo235 would be exceedingly screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Kevo235 was interrupted by eleven selfish Cats that were lured by his Ipod. Kevo235 grimaced; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling concerned, he thoughtfully reached for his ripened avocado and deftly stroked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the magical cornfield, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Farrari rolling up. It was ExtraSauce.

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Re: Random story via ExtraSauce & Kevo235

Post by mickdude2 on 8/7/2012, 2:17 am

I'm confused. Do Spotted Wolf-Hamsters explode, or just turn an explosive shade of red. And how is.... nevermind...

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Re: Random story via ExtraSauce & Kevo235

Post by jackOPSftw on 8/7/2012, 2:19 am

mickdude2 wrote:I'm confused. Do Spotted Wolf-Hamsters explode, or just turn an explosive shade of red. And how is.... nevermind...


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Re: Random story via ExtraSauce & Kevo235

Post by Kevo235 on 8/7/2012, 2:37 am

kind of debating whether or not I should read this.

[edit]The Product of This

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Re: Random story via ExtraSauce & Kevo235

Post by Adirem on 8/7/2012, 4:18 am

total bullshit all the way, love it!

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Re: Random story via ExtraSauce & Kevo235

Post by jackOPSftw on 8/7/2012, 6:20 am

Random shit ftw

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??

Post by Thechrisanator on 8/7/2012, 7:21 am

Cool.

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Re: Random story via ExtraSauce & Kevo235

Post by ExtraSauce on 8/7/2012, 11:37 am

Jack, you're the best daughter a man could ever have.

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Re: Random story via ExtraSauce & Kevo235

Post by lordgonk on 8/7/2012, 12:31 pm

ExtraSauce wrote:Jack, you're the best daughter a man could ever have.

I knew it!

Now, I will use my story critic expertise to rate this lovely story.

The exposition, or beginning, is not very exciting and does not much hook the readers attention. The exposition is very poorly done I must say. The setting is obscure making for a creepy mood and a sense of confusion for the reader who tries to understand, without success, what the setting is. The plot is well developed with a conflict between Kevo and ExtraSauce that only the reader and Kevo are aware which gives the reader uncertainty of what will happen next. The book depicts Kevo as the antagonist and ExtraSauce as the protagonist that everybody wants to win. The reader hopes for Extra Sauce to find out about Kevo's theivery and then to beat him in an epic fight that ensues. But, before that can happen, the story abruptly ends as ExtraSuace arrives in his Ferrari leaving Kevo to frantically hide the Ipod. It leaves the reader hanging in the climax with much tension and excitement. It leaves the reader wondering if and when a sequel will arrive.

Scoring:

Expostiton: :star: Does not engage the reader
Setting: :star: :star: Too vauge
Characters: :star: :star: :star: :star: Wonderful, good contrast between the two
Plot: :star: :star: :star: Well, made but not the best
Conflict: :star: :star: :star: :star: Lovely, a good conflict between the two
Climax: :star: :star: :star: :star: Very exciting, very nice
Resolution: N/A

Overall:
Spoiler:
My overall score (out of 4): :star: :star: :star:

P.S. This is complete bullshit, although it came out a bit serious, lol

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Re: Random story via ExtraSauce & Kevo235

Post by brickhunter1 on 8/7/2012, 12:57 pm

Haha I know the website where you got this! You put in random things and it generates a story, however it's always the same plot :P BUSTED!

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Re: Random story via ExtraSauce & Kevo235

Post by ExtraSauce on 8/7/2012, 5:54 pm

brickhunter1 wrote:Haha I know the website where you got this! You put in random things and it generates a story, however it's always the same plot :P BUSTED!

true story

It all started when our over-heralded star, Motherfucker Johnson, woke up in a swamp. It was the fifth time it had happened. Feeling excessively relieved, Motherfucker Johnson groped a potato, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, he realized that his beloved Potato was missing! Immediately he called his redheaded stepchild of a 'friend', Chuck Jenkins. Motherfucker Johnson had known Chuck Jenkins for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enticing ones. Chuck Jenkins was unique. He was ingenious though sometimes a little... oafish. Motherfucker Johnson called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Chuck Jenkins picked up to a very ecstatic Motherfucker Johnson. Chuck Jenkins calmly assured him that most man-eating capybaras grimace before mating, yet disease-carrying chipmunks usually surreptitiously sigh *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Motherfucker Johnson. Why was Chuck Jenkins trying to distract Motherfucker Johnson? Because he had snuck out from Motherfucker Johnson's with the Potato only ten days prior. It was a eccentric little Potato... how could he resist?

It didn't take long before Motherfucker Johnson got back to the subject at hand: his Potato. Chuck Jenkins panicked. Relunctantly, Chuck Jenkins invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Potato. Motherfucker Johnson grabbed his time machine and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Chuck Jenkins realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Potato and he had to do it recklessly. He figured that if Motherfucker Johnson took the 'modded' Civic, he had take at least six minutes before Motherfucker Johnson would get there. But if he took the Batmobile? Then Chuck Jenkins would be ridiculously screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Chuck Jenkins was interrupted by six insensitive Batmans that were lured by his Potato. Chuck Jenkins grimaced; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling worried, he fearlessly reached for his gerbil and aimlessly attacked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Batmobile rolling up. It was Motherfucker Johnson.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Big Lots to pick up a 12-pack of live hand grenades, so he knew he was running late. With a inept leap, Motherfucker Johnson was out of the Batmobile and went exotically jaunting toward Chuck Jenkins's front door. Meanwhile inside, Chuck Jenkins was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Potato into a box of ripened avocados and then slid the box behind his giraffe. Chuck Jenkins was exasperated but at least the Potato was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Chuck Jenkins explosively purred. With a hasty push, Motherfucker Johnson opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some clueless coke fiend in a best-in-its-so-called-'class' sedan,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Chuck Jenkins assured him. Motherfucker Johnson took a seat tragically close to where Chuck Jenkins had hidden the Potato. Chuck Jenkins grimaced trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Motherfucker Johnson was distracted. A few unsatisfying minutes later, Chuck Jenkins noticed a oafish look on Motherfucker Johnson's face. Motherfucker Johnson slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Chuck Jenkins felt a stabbing pain in his love handle when Motherfucker Johnson asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Potato right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A funny-smelling look started to form on Motherfucker Johnson's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ninja stars from when she used to have pet long-haired sea monkeys. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Motherfucker Johnson nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Chuck Jenkins could react, Motherfucker Johnson thoughtfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The Potato was plainly in view.

Motherfucker Johnson stared at Chuck Jenkins for what what must've been seven hours. Absolutely thrilled, Chuck Jenkins groped scandalously in Motherfucker Johnson's direction, clearly desperate. Motherfucker Johnson grabbed the Potato and bolted for the door. It was locked. Chuck Jenkins let out a enticing chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Motherfucker Johnson,' he rebuked. Chuck Jenkins always had been a little selfish, so Motherfucker Johnson knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Chuck Jenkins did something crazy, like... start chucking ninja stars at him or something. A few unsatisfying minutes later, he gripped his Potato tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Chuck Jenkins looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Motherfucker Johnson. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame eleven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Motherfucker Johnson. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Chuck Jenkins walked over to the window and looked down. Motherfucker Johnson was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Motherfucker Johnson was struggling to make his way through the bush behind Chuck Jenkins's place. Motherfucker Johnson had severely hurt his ear during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Batmans suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Potato. One by one they latched on to Motherfucker Johnson. Already weakened from his injury, Motherfucker Johnson yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Batmans running off with his Potato.

About eight hours later, Motherfucker Johnson awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Motherfucker Johnson did not know where he was. Deep in the enchanting lemur-infested moor, Motherfucker Johnson was abnormally lost. A few unsatisfying minutes later, he remembered that his Potato was taken by the Batmans. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a bloated Batman emerged from the haunted thicket. It was the alpha Batman. Motherfucker Johnson opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Batman sunk its teeth into Motherfucker Johnson's armpit. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Motherfucker Johnson's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than four miles away, Chuck Jenkins was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Potato. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened carrot. With a mighty thrust, he buried it deeply into his prostate. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Motherfucker Johnson... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the Potato that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Batmans, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

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Re: Random story via ExtraSauce & Kevo235

Post by jackOPSftw on 8/7/2012, 6:02 pm

brickhunter1 wrote:Haha I know the website where you got this! You put in random things and it generates a story, however it's always the same plot :P BUSTED!

MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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Re: Random story via ExtraSauce & Kevo235

Post by ExtraSauce on 8/7/2012, 6:05 pm

jackOPSftw wrote:
brickhunter1 wrote:Haha I know the website where you got this! You put in random things and it generates a story, however it's always the same plot :P BUSTED!

MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

You're not the best daughter anymore, lied to your mother like this,

I'm taking your Sea-Food away for a century

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Re: Random story via ExtraSauce & Kevo235

Post by jackOPSftw on 8/7/2012, 6:29 pm

[quote="ExtraSauce"]
jackOPSftw wrote:

You're not the best daughter anymore, lied to your mother like this,

I'm taking your Sea-Food away for a century

BUT I LOVE MY SEAFOOD

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